Is someone else's drinking getting you down?
Many women live in families with someone else who drinks heavily.
Someone with a drink problem can make
the whole family unhappy. This could be another family member, a partner/spouse, an older family member or a child/young person. Their
behaviour can often make you feel angry, scared, confused, guilty and unable to cope.
Is this happening to you?
The best time to tell the drinker how you're feeling is when they're sober. If the person is drunk you'll get nowhere.
Also try and raise the subject at a time when you are feeling calm, confident and not too emotional. If you are feeling
really angry or distressed you may not say what you want to say or you may say things you later regret. You do need
to consider how the drinker might react even when sober, so if they are inclined to be violent you should first discuss this
with another person or advice agency how to tackle this. Your safety is essential.
Sometimes the heavy drinker will blame others for their drinking. Do not
take this on board. You cannot be responsible for another adult's behaviour. They are accountable.
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Some advice
Covering up for the drinker and making excuses won't help. The problem has
to be faced.
Help and support is available for you too. Most importantly look after yourself.
If you are feeling isolated, speak with someone you can trust, or contact your nearest alcohol advice agency (see information
pages for details). The people there are trained to help you. They will see you even if the problem drinker will
not come for help.
Don't focus on how much or how often they are drinking. Stick to how their drinking problem is affecting themselves
and others. Did they injure themselves? Did they become violent to you or to others? Are you, as a family, experiencing
money problems through drinking? Did they miss work through their drinking?
Don't buy alcohol for them, and don't drink with the drinker. It normalises their behaviour and puts you at risk
of developing the same problem.
Most people with a drink problem can overcome their difficulties. Encouragement and support are needed. Consider
offering to help them through it. But only offer support if it feels right for you.
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Violence
If the person with the drink problem is acting violently towards you, you must seek help. There are people available
to support you. See our information/help page for details.
Children and Young People
Inappropriate use of alcohol has serious effects on young people. It compromises their health and their safety,
and can land them in trouble with the police. Young people are at greater risk of accidents, unwanted pregnancy or picking
up sexually transmitted disease.
If your child is experimenting with alcohol, and this is worrying you, help and advice is available - see the information/help
page for details of organisations.
REMEMBER YOU ARE NOT ALONE. ASKING FOR
HELP IS NATURAL, AND RESPONSIBLE.
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